Frustrations

So of course, if I want this blog to be honest, I have to post some honest feelings about our journey to parenthood. We have been waiting for so long for God to bless us, that we can't help but get frustrated along the road. It seems like everyone around you is pregnant when you are trying for some time! My friend and I like to call these "Target Moments" because it never seems to fail that these moments happen at Target. But then these "Target Moments" transport themselves all over the place. When you are more aware of pregnancy, it seems to follow you wherever you go! So badly, we want to be blessed and each month, you feel like you need to grieve when it doesn't happen. You start to wonder, what did I do to be punished this way? Why did I fail at having a healthy child? Guilt sets in, and then you start to doubt that it will ever happen for you. You feel that this is the road you were meant to travel because of the mistakes you made in your life before. One of the big mistakes that I am struggling with now is feeling that I wasn't faithful enough that God was going to take care of my baby when I was pregnant. And I feel that while I pray everyday for God to take control of this area of my life, I feel that maybe God doesn't think that I am faithful enough yet... You know, surrendering takes practice. Some days are easier than others. Some days, you just have to push it off of yourself and force it out onto the feet of your Savior. It's NOT easy. But then again, there aren't many things about this journey that really are these days. But I keep pushing on, keep surrendering and re-surrendering until I feel that peace which God can only give. It is never a one-time event. It's something that I will consistently have to work at, and God knows that. But I can say one thing honestly, I work on it daily. I pray that if you are struggling to conceive, that you pray for faithfulness. Pray for surrendering. Pray for peace along the way. And I hope in turn, you will pray the same for me.

God Bless,
Beth